Last night in yoga while "attempting" to do a balance (full moon tonight so balance was a bit off)I hear my yoga teacher say to another student as he is helping her with her focus "I won't let you fall, but I will push you". It might sound silly but I think I was meant to hear those words like it was my own personal message indirectly spoken to me. It put a new perspective on my current situation.
Since my last post I have found out that I will no longer have a job come December 23. I am now a statistic but one of the lucky ones. I am in a great position to recover and I have a great opportunity to move on to something new that will make me a lot happier than where I have been for the past year, maybe longer. By no means have I been in a bad place but I have been at a standstill just comfortable enough to not make anything else happen. As I sat in my office listening to what I new would come out of my bosses mouth at our random 1pm meeting, given him no satisfaction whatsoever, I calmly asked him to repeat my final date, wrote it down, said "it is what it is, and thank you" smiled and told him he could "leave my door open please and thank you" (he wanted to shut my door as if I was going to burst into tears or write an angry blog ; ) )
If you know my boss , all that came with my job, and the events leading up to this day, you know how hard it was for me to just sit there and take it. I can't say it was a complete shock or that I hadn't dreamed of me having an out(a bit differently of course)! Needless to say I was relieved, excited and terrified of whats next but I instantly went into survivor mode, not one of panic but a calm and relaxed survivor state. At that moment for the first time ever I felt like a grown up, I had no choice but to start the preparation for whats next. I have to think where do I want to live, what do I want to do, how am I going to make money if there is downtime and how can I save more. Of course I cried, not sad tears but as if I had been a joke, as if I had been taken advantage of and cut out of something that I worked hard to be part of, but I didn't waste many tears on this.
I don't think it was anything less than a miracle that early that morning before I was "let go" I had booked my plane ticket to Brooklyn, NY to visit my brother and his fiancee, my mom and dad who where also visiting them for the weekend and at the last minute my little brother decided to drop everything and fly up with me. I needed and wanted to be with my family and some how all the stars aligned perfectly without me knowing, making it happen like they new this was the plan all along. I spent the most amazing weekend in NY, enjoying my family and realizing how much we have all grown up, how strong we have all become and how moments like that are what life is really about.
My mantra for the next few days is "be thankful, be open, let go, move on". I will work hard for the next 4 months wrapping up all the loose ends to the amazing projects I have been lucky enough to be part of, because it is all for the greater good. Meanwhile, I will explore my options and really dig deep within myself to determine what path will take me to where I really want to be. Meanwhile I will have to figure out where it is that I "really want to be" ; ) I will also be wrapping up my time in Wilmington. Saying my goodbyes to the beautiful beach town that helped me figure out who I was within, introducing me to a level of personal happiness and confidence that I didn't know I had. I have to embrace this point in my life and the change it might bring relocating me somewhere other than my comfortable home I have made here for the past six years.
Some one gave me the "push" that I needed, knowing that I had amazing support from family and friends and strength within myself to not let me "fall". Thank you.
