Three Little Words

If you are wondering...

Happy Birthday Big Brother

Happy Birthday Christian!

I cherish every moment I spend with you.  Thank you for a childhood full of wonderful memories and for being a big brother that allowed your little sister to tag along, never making me feel as if I didn't belong.  I am a better person because of you.

I hope you take a few minutes today and look back at everything you have accomplished in the past 29 years (are you 29 or 28 hmmm... Oops!) in that moment of reflection, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and enjoy everything about yourself and I guarantee you will find yourself smiling.   I know this because when I think of you even just for a split second, I smile.

I love you Christian.  Happy (28th or 29th) Birthday! ;  )

ET Phones Home

Hot cup of coffee, vintage boutique shopping, supporting the local farmers and listening to a live music....river front!  That is what Saturday's mornings are for ;  ) A wonderful day spent with a beautiful (silly in this pic) cousin!  Thanks Austin!

Rainy Monday

Waking up to the rain was such a cozy feeling this morning.  Oliver snuggling with me was even better. A good start to the week!  This month is full of close friends birthdays and a wedding that will also be much like a week long family reunion so there is a lot to celebrate in this busy, busy month.  Happy October!

Oh Mr. Lady Bug

Most people would have said that today was not a good beach day.  It was cloudy and raining off and on and this type of weather keeps most people away.  Even though it was a "flawed" beach day for most, in my eyes it turned out to be a beach day of perfection.

I walked out on the beach in my running gear, slipped off my running shoes and sat there in the sand watching the ocean.  A thick white and grey cloud blanketed the normal blue sky.  Under the quilted blanket layer of of clouds there were smaller independant clouds that were rolling in.  These clouds were patchy, thiner clouds and they moved fast as if they are in a hurry to get somewhere.  Each of these clouds took the shape of an animal.  First a duck went by, then there was an elephant, a crab followed and seemed to be chased by a strange looking rabit... and as each animal cloud passed, it gracefully faded into nothing as if it were never there.  It was a beautiful cloud carousel in the sky.

Meanwhile, the thicker layer of clouds would occasionally have a small tear in the quilted blanket that  allowed the sun to shine through like it was playing a game of peek-a-boo with the ocean.  When I would catch the sun in its game of peek-a-boo it was this perfect bright white circle that I could look directly into.  It was so eager to shine.

My attention moved to the ocean.  The beautiful endless ocean that was 15 different shades of blues and greens.  Surfers were resting on their boards hoping to catch the few waves that were out there.  The sun would shower the top of the water with diamonds and then the clouds were dancing shadows and they would take turns.  The water would creep up on the shore and the small little "beach" birds were playing tag with the waters edge.  The ocean was one big playgound.

I layed back and let my body settle into the damp sand.  I closed my eyes embracing the rawness of the most perfect gloomy beach day. The wind grazed my skin, that gave good sensations.  The breeze reminded me that I needed to feel this moment, really be in this moment of beauty. I found my time on the beach today to be a time of clairity, which I needed.

I saved the best part of today for last.  The sun had started to shine a little brighter.  I wanted to spread the sun's kisses to my back of my pale legs so I decided to turn over on my belly and lay for a bit.  As I'm laying there about to doze off I felt something hit my check and instead of reacting and slapping what was on my face, I reached up very gently and picked it off.  It was now in my hands...a lady bug.  Out of no where a lady bug landed on my face.  That completed my perfect day.  The little lady bug had no idea how important it was for me that he had choosen me to land on.  The lady bug quickly became my friend and he just hung out crawling on my hands for the rest of my time at the beach as if he wanted to keep me company.  I talked to him (yea it was a him, I think all lady bugs are guys) telling him that he was really cool and he had perfect timing.  Mr. Lady Bug gave me all the meaning I needed and I could stop searching for the day.  I sat up, placed him on my shoulder, put on my shoes and left the beach.  As much as I wanted to bring Mr. Lady Bug home and keep him, I decided to drop him off on a tree leaf that was on my beach path. I am pretty sure he had other things to do today.

Today I went to visit the ocean and ended up visiting what was, what is, and what could be.  The cloud carousel in the sky with the sun playing peek-a-boo was my past when I was younger and my imagination would run wild.  It is what was.   The wind and the sand gave me the present.  It gave me the what is.  It was here and it was now and this was my time, my feeling.  This moment was whatever I made of it, it was up to me to see the beauty and meaning in the flawed beach day.  The oean gave me the future, the what will be.  A future of constant movement and endless possibilities.  The future that is guided but ultimately up to me to go there.

As for Mr. Lady Bug...well he was my reminder.  He reminded me that there is hope, and luck and there will always be something or someone that is listening.  He also gave me reality, that there is not always meaning in things.  Maybe my lucky Mr. Lady bug just accidently ran into my cheek while flying through the air on this windy beach day and the reason he stuck around with me was becuase he was terrified that I would squash him and scared to death that I was talking to him.  Maybe while I found him to be the best part of my day, he in turn found me to be the worst part of his.  Maybe I stopped him from whatever it was he was doing on this gloomy beach day.   Maybe he wrote about it in his blog ;  )

Last Night

This year has been somewhat trying for me.  As I sit here surrounded by roaches (which I have seen way to many of recently), mosquito's sucking on every piece of my exposed sweaty skin, missing out on yoga that is taking place right upstairs...I stare at my car sitting in the lonely parking lot and start to think back to when I purchased my Honda Civic a little over three years ago.  With this thought  I can honestly say that since this purchase I have had a insane amount of bad luck.  Actually, I am just going to go ahead and say that I do believe this car has been my "voodoo doll" for the past 3 years.  It all makes sense now, 2 failed relationships, 5 random car accidents and even more break downs, a questionable social life, disapointing bank account (thanks car payment), and a very unsuccessful career path are all because I bought this tainted 2005 Honda Civic.

Frustration and anger overwhelm me as I wait for over an hour on not only a car battery service but also a lock smith because when it rains it pours and so not only did my battery die but yes 15 minutes later I lock my keys in the car.  Sitting here waiting with my new bestfriends Agner and Frustration and my oh so reliable civic, I have the time to not only discover what I think is a new breed of cockroach( that is somewhat cute?)  but also reflect on all of the "special features" that clearly came with the purchase of this new car 3 years ago.  I guess I should have read the small print that said..." Rachael, with the automatic lock system and keyless entry, with no extra charge we throw in a ridicules amount of bad luck lasting for the next 3 to 5 years".  Oh Lucky Me, where do I sign!  Oh and judging by the time it is taking the lock smith and the battery tech to come and service my car this evening, even though stressed to Triple A that I was "not in a safe location"....I am guessing Triple A and Honda are in business together.  How sweet.

On the flip side I also had the time to slap myself in the face with reality. While sometimes I might feel as if I live in a third world country with all my "poor me" stories, I know that I have the good life.  I am faced with small challenges like everyone else, some are a whole lot worse than mine.  Tonight I learned that at times like this it is easy to count and blame all the bad things that have happened to me and start feeling sorry for myself as if it is me against the world.  The hard part is to see the bigger picture, see how and with who you have overcome  each and every challenge with.  That is success, that is life.  The good is never easy, the good is always hard, harder to see and harder to gain.  But when you finally do see the good, it will all make sense and it will all be worth it.